Remind me again, why do I work in retail?

Yeah, my job has been straight kickin my ass. We got hammered with a huge book buyback today, so while two of us were working on that, the other line was checking people out, but got a little backed up. Well, this old dude, who was checking out, started being loud and was making a stink, and said something about "the manager...and having to wait," and then said, "yeah, you over there with the glasses..." I about snapped. My first thought was to say, "Shut the f-ck up you old coot!" My 2nd was to climb over the counter and snap his friggin neck ninja style, and then the 3rd, more realistic result, was me saying in a rather stern voice, "Sorry, Sir, but we're doing what we can," and calling additional help to the registers. I then mumbling under my breath, "you f-ckin idiot..." as I hear him continue to ridicule me and the store.

We were a little understaffed because the floor person had to cover Cafe for the afternoon, but with 3 of us up front, and 2 in the backroom, I figured we could handle a normal Thursday. That is, had it not been for the buyback from hell. Anyway, screw the old dude who thinks I owe him something because he's old, and has nothing better to do than wallow in his self pity. It does burn my ass, though.

Steeeeerike threeeee! Big Bro is out.

I heard tonight that:
My big bro
Who had no ho
Went back fo mo
And got hitched fo sho

I have yet to hear it from the horse's mouth, but sources say yes, so I gotta say, "Whatta damn shame!"

Like I said before, I want the best for him, but with the way she's tinkered with his heart, and left him for dead, I can't help asking, "What the f-ck, dude?"

Paula Abdul would say, "Shes a cold-hearted snake, look into her eyes,"
Hall and Oates, "She's a maneater,"
and Duran Duran, "Hungry like the Wolf."

Can'tcha just see it...skanless!

(Sorry, picture removed in respect for my brother)

Damn the man! Damn the man! Bro, I know you ain't got a pot to piss in, but I'd be hollering pre-nup! Oh, I guess that'd be post-nup now. In all fairness, I don't know her from Eve, but the taste in my mouth has yet to sweeten. It's like opening up a sack full of asses, and expecting to smell roses.

Bro, I know you gotta do what's right for you, but you gotta do what's good for you too, naw mean?! Anyway, my intention is not to cause hurtful feelings, so I'ma letcha do what you do, playa, just keep an icebox where your heart used to be.

I'm already spent on this subject, so in closing, I'd like to sing a song from Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas called "Brothers":

How much alike we are, Perhaps we're long lost brothers, We even think the same, You know there may be others

We can always use a friend, This family just keeps growing, This family doesn't have to end

Brothers, Brothers

So many things to learn, But we'll enjoy each lesson, Problems don't worry us, When half the fun is guessing

Live a lifetime of surprise, We'll all become magicians, And leave the wonder in their eyes

Brothers, Brothers

The Great Dillons Fiasco

So, today was an eventful day for our sleepy little town. One of the Dillons stores was surrounded by cops, TV stations, rubberneckers, and plenty of stories. Being only a stone-throws away from the grocery giant, our parking lot became "the spot" for spectators who wanted to be the first to tell their friends that "they were there." The real story was unclear, was there an attempted robbery? a stand-off? hostages? a bomb threat? the SWAT team and snipers? Depending on who you asked, the story seemed to get more elaborate. So, when asked what was going on, I'd say that all the above are rumored, and "whatever else you want to add."

Eyewitness 12 News from Wichita called to ask me what was happening, as if I were right there talking to the officers. They showed up sometime later to broadcast the activity. Hours later, roads were still blocked off, but all the hubbub had died down. An insider source says they'll re-open tomorrow morning with extra security, and counselors available for uneasy workers.

So, I thought I'd get the "official" take by watching the 10 o'clock news. It appears that all correspondence was done over the phone, and since the villian had insider info on particular people in the store, it was beleived that he/she was somewhere in the building. The hostages were asked to strip, but after the police entered the building, no bomb or villian were found.

So, this appears to be another elaborate prank to hassle the local P.D.. About a week ago, another stand-off took place at an apartment complex, with the same result, cold empty-handed. "Darn it, foiled again!"

So, if anything else unfolds, you'll hear it here, first, maybe second.

Hippo with Noodles On My Back

Thanks to Blonde Brownie for bringing this to my attention. If you haven't seen this, enjoy, if you have, watch it again, sucka!

The Hood Has Eyez-don't believe the hype

I’m a sucker for gambling on independent films in hopes of finding the next big thing to promote to friends. A few have been a success, like Feed, A Bothered Conscience, Shortbus, Pervert, and To Kako (Evil). But, that’s maybe a mere ten percent of what I put myself through, and although a lot of time and money are wasted, I still can’t seem to quench my curiosity.

So, what does poor acting, ridiculous situations and dialog, over-exaggerated shock cinema, and a dirty sanchez have in common? These are all elements of the horror/exploitation movie, The Hood Has Eyez.

This movie attempts to push the extremes of Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park, and Chaos, while paying homage to I Spit on Your Grave, Thriller: A Cruel Picture, and Japanese patented blood-splatter. However, it fails miserably. The women are supposed to be high school students, but are all probably in their 20’s, every Mexican gang member stereotype is played out here, and the rape/revenge scenes are played out. The surprising thing is that this movie is produced by a female.

If you’re interested in more info on the shock scenes, e-mail me, cause they’re pretty out there and not for mixed company. My suggestion is to steer away from this movie and re-watch the others mentioned above, it’ll be a much better use of time.

No mo ho fo Big Bro

As you read before, my brother is a sucker for love. I can't fault him for that, because he has a good heart, and one day will find the right one. I found out today, that the big "let's get hitched" weekend has been canceled, and the nugget ring has been returned to it's glass display case. Sad, yes, but it's for the best.

I'm not gonna say, "I told you so," cause that was never my intent. I'll just be happy to see him let her go, and for good. Keith can be a overbearing, but hey, it's in our blood. Pops was the same way, and since we didn't grow up with a lot of money, we try to maintain what we have. Kelly's probably the least penny-pincher of us all, but Keith and I are much alike in that aspect.

I'm sure Keith would be happy with a wife that stayed at home, cleaned, took care of the chillen, and served up 3 hots a day, but that ain't the plan of today's female. However, there has to be at least one southern belle out there waiting.

So, Keith, forget about those who have broken your heart and taken your money, and get back to space age pimpin.

"Sa Da Tay! Baby, I'm going to sine your pitty on the runny kine!"

Blood in the Face

Just watched a documentary called, Blood in the Face. It’s about the American white supremacy movement in the early 90's, but looks like it was filmed in the 70’s. I guess I’m ignorant to the new movement, because even after all the other documentaries I’ve seen and information I’ve read, I’ve never seen a Scottish white supremacist. The last person I feared in a kilt was Rowdy Roddy Piper, so these 50-60 year old dudes were straight laughable. Yeah, when I hear bagpipes, I think, “I’m gonna go kill me some mud people…”

If you want a good laugh, rent this film, then go read Mein Kampf and ask yourself, “Are these people really worthy of continuing Hitler’s legacy?” Looks like they paid a bunch of people to play Nazi dress-up, and then said, “Okay, tell me what you stand for.” This is right up there with a Jerry Springer show on the KKK, except it's supposed to be serious. Another humorous note is that some of the interviews were done by a much younger Michael Moore. Not quite the quality of Roger & Me or Fahrenheit 911.

If you want a better flick with more entertaining dialog and action, go watch The Believer or American History X.



Hey guys, The Village People want their clothes back.

Real friends come back

Recently, out of the blue, a friend sent an e-mail to apologize for past wrong doings, and made an attempt to reconcile a friendship that once was. Not that our friendship was dead, but it strayed far from what it was over the years and was even at a point of silence. This got me to thinking that no matter what's said or done, true friends always come back.

I've done my share of putting my tail between my legs, admitting my faults, and attempting to rekindle past friendships. Some have been a success (Tabatha, Chandi), others still to be determined (Lisa, Misty), and some no such luck (Karen, Big Will). It's just one of life's lessons learned. I put a lot into my friendships, but have come to expect that not all people or "friends" do the same. So sadly, when I meet someone, you're guilty until proven innocent, but time will reveal it all, and I'm willing to do the time.

It's amazing I still have friends I went to 1st grade with, but sadly, I've come to expect little from them. We still hang out when we can, but we are now in different states, and as we go our own ways, choices have been made that we no longer have the bond we used to. In all the cities I've lived, excluding my hometown, I have yet to find a friend I can really count on and take with me in life's journeys. Again, a few have come back, but something's always missing. I do hope that will change, because I've met some pretty cool people in middle Kansas.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, I can piss and moan and fight for both sides all day long, but the point is that real friends do come back. That's what's great about life, everything's cyclic. So, if you've been thinking of friends of old, give them a call and say, "Hey, I f*cked up, will you be my friend again?" Cheers to relationships that don't die.

Eric Stanze: Still mastering the art of film

I've seen most of Eric Stanze's films, and they're either hit or miss. That is, on B-level grading. The most recent, Savage Harvest 2: October Blood, is another that will go in the pile of misses. The first one was straight laughable, so why bother doing another? Hasn't the demonic Indian spirit bit been done? A much better flick is the retro-movie Scalps, but the picture is pretty grainy.

On a positive note, SH2 has the presence of Emily Haack. She's a pretty good actress, and deserves a non-b-movie appearannce. If you're looking for a better Stanze title, try China White Serpentine or Scrapbook. Maybe October's release of Deadwood Park will get things back on track.

Ryko brings it to ya once last time for 2007

As I mentioned before, Ryko rules! Every month is sheer, jaw-dropping excitement. They never fail to bring it, and the spoils for November are no less satisfying. So, to help finish off a great year of releases, here's what you can expect on Nov. 13th.

Blue Underground's Ode to Cannibalism:
Cannibals (Jess Franco)
Cannibal Man
Mountain of the Cannibal God

Chinese Torture Chamber Story (Discotek)
Dear Pillow (Heretic)
Chantal-Misty Mundae (Seduction Cinema)
Sexploiters (Retro-Seduction Cinema)
Creatures From the Hillbilly Lagoon (Shock-O-Rama)

Redemption and Sacrament's Ode to the Dark Side
Nude Vampire (Jean Rollin)
Satanic Sluts
Black Mass
Frog Song

Black Emanuelle's Box Vol 2 (limited run of 4,000 units)
-Black Emmanuelle, White Emmanuelle
-Emanuelle and the White Slave Trade
-Black Emanuelle 2

Revenge of the Teenage Vixens from Outerspace (Sovereign)
Spiritual Exercises-10 films by Olivier Smolders (Cult Epics)
Blow Dry (Raunchy Tonk)
Alice in Wonderland-Kristine DeBell (Subversive)

Like em, Love em, Buy em, Watch em, Talk about em!
Pics forthcoming, the release schedule was hot off the press and retailers haven't time to react.

The Dead Won't Die SXSW Grindhouse Trailer

One of my great findings on youtube. I couldn't resist posting this, so enjoy!

More bang for your buck, cheap movie multi-packs

I'm all about a great deal, esp. when it comes to movies. Recently, several cheap multi-packs have been released, and when I say cheap, we're talkin like $1 or less a movie. Some of these are the old grindhouse movies, some late night cable TV, and some 80's b-classics. Sure, they're probably presented in fullscreen and the picture quality is VHS, but for a buck, what do you expect? Here's a few I put my stamp on that are well-worth dropping the $8 plus tax for. So, stop into your local Hastings and pick these up, cause Walmart or Target ain't gonna have em. If you don't have a Hastings, try Best Buy first, then Amazon.

Blue Money (1972)

Double Exposure (1983)

Separate Ways (1981)

Night Club (1990)

Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (1990)

Hot Target (1985)

Pick-Up (1975)

French Quarter (1977)

My Tutor (1983)

My Chauffeur (1986)

Hunk (1987)

Tomboy (1985)

Jocks (1987)

Weekend Pass (1984)

The Pom Pom Girls (1976)

The Van (1977)

Bad Taste (1988)

The Bloody Brood (1959)

Drive-In Massacre (1974)

Don't Look in the Basement (1973)

Driller Killer (1979)

Night Train to Terror (1985)

The Pyx (1973)

Scream Bloody Murder (1975)

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1962)

The Werewolf vs Vampire Women (1971)

The last two gems are 50-pack sets from Pendulum Pictures, which include most of the movies from their 6-pack sets. Much more bang for your buck, but you'll hafta dig a little deeper cause these'll set you back about 20 bucks. Well worth it, though!

When it comes to my money, I'ma straight a-hole

I got my recent credit card statement and there were 3 things wrong: 1) there was a late fee of $39 charged, 2) a finance charge of $11.04, and 3) an overcharge of $100 from an online purchase. So, I e-mail the appropriate customer services for all activity above. I get a response back from the merchant saying that the $100 was charged in error and will be credited back, but as far as my cc company's response to the late fee,

"We understand your concern regarding the late fee on your account. Our records indicate that the minimum payment of $15.00 for your 07/04/07 statement was due by 07/24/07 and we received the payment on 07/25/07. Since we did not receive the minimum payment by the due date, a late fee was assessed to your account. Unfortunately, we are unable to comply with your request to remove the late fee from your account. According to your Cardmember Agreement and Disclosure Statement, we must receive your payment amount by the payment due date or a late fee will be assessed. You may refer to the back of your billing statement for an explanation of when payments are posted based on receipt. Please allow at least 7 business days for your payment to reach us by mail and 2-3 business days for online payments. You are important to us and we appreciate your business."

My response:

""You are important to us and we appreciate your business." That's a joke, if I truly was of importance, then you'd consider lifting the finance charge. I was late only one day due to the mail system, yet the payment you received was in full. I also noticed there was an $11.04 finance charge added to my account. For what, being a day late too? My balance is always paid in full according to the invoice amount sent, and I've only been late one other time, which was due to extensive travel and not getting my mail. View my payment history and you'll see, I make a lot of purchases and usually make my payments in full on time. If nothing will be done, I will strongly consider taking my business elsewhere. Thank you for your time and I hope to get a response soon."

Okay, call me an a-hole for disputing this and being "that customer," but it should not take more than 4 days to get and process a payment to California. Conveniently for them, if payment is not received by 3pm on the due date, it's considered late. 3pm? That's better than bankers hours, where can I sign up! So, here's their response:

"We understand your concern regarding the late fee and finance charges. As a courtesy, the late fee in the amount of $39.00 and finance charges in the amount of $11.04 has been credited to your account. The fee reversal will appear on one of your next two billing statements. You are important to us and we appreciate your business."

Justice has been served, power to the people!

Big Bro gettin married...again

Big bro, Keith, has decided to take the marital plunge, again. I'd like to relish in his happiness, but know his history of jumping in head-first without a helmet.

A snippet of the story: his wife-to-be left him a while back for another dude, straight packed up her stuff and said goodbye. So, Keith starts plotting ways to re-express his undying love to her. Well, it worked, as weeks later, she moved back in, and shortly thereafter, was presented an engagement ring. So, a weekend getaway is scheduled for Sept. 22, where their partnership will be solidified.

I love my bro and always wish him the best, but fear for the worst. I think he clouds his thoughts with "The Now," rather than "The Later." I commend him for being able to say, "F-it, I'm gon do this no matter what anyone else thinks," but still have an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I haven't met Leann, she may very well be "The One," but I gotta be the devil's advocate and remain suspiscious.

So, since time will reveal it all, best wishes to my bro who has the nuggets to make things happen. This is the ring he bought:

Learn how to Windmill

I can still do the windmill, even after learning it over 20 years ago. It usually takes a couple of beers and a good (breakdance) song to get me going, like Egypt, Egypt by Egyptian Lover, Jam On It by Newcleus, or Electric Kingdom by Twilight 22. Hell, I'll even do it to White Horse by Laid Back. I'm sure it's funnier to watch as the years progress because 1) I'm really out of shape, 2) I have horrible flexibility, and 3) it's really the only cool breakdance move I can do. Yeah, I can backspin, worm, freeze, and do a little pop and lockin, but this was MY move back in the day, so I have to represent. On a good day, I'll also throw in a hershey, that is, if I can get enough speed and am not banging my head on the floor too much. A hershey is basically a handless windmill (ie. you grab your frank and beans with both hands while doing it, and use your momentum to carry you around while rolling off your head and shoulders). Anyway, if you ever get the pleasure to see me do it, it's quite a spectacle.

Have you seen Jesus lately?

The accounts of people seeing the image of Jesus in the most unsuspecting places are endless. Whether it be in a plate of spaghetti, on a bloody tampon, or in a jar of mayonnaise, they'll go to their grave convinced it's real and a revelation. I'm not above this, nor have I had this epiphany (yet), but do find it quite humorous. Here's the latest pic to add to the phenomena.

Crazy Am I?

Okay, so I did a personality disorder test and here are the results:

Disorder Rating Information

Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

It looks like I'm pretty normal, so screw those who thought otherwise. Of course, this view could be a little skewed since it is MY opinion about MY thoughts and actions. Thanks to Smokeskrene for the link.

Find out if you're looney tunes:
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv