Already reflecting on 2011...

WOW! It's been over a year since I visited this venting outlet, and I must say, it feels good to return, but it's sad to re-read my desperation. It's clear that one big thing keeping me from happiness was my job, or should I say, my inability to walk away from it, and putting it ahead of everything else and everyone. Sure, 10 years with a company is a long time, and you'd think that would account for something, but recently I was released of my duties. I won't go into the particulars, but after about $40 million in sales, $4 million in profits, and recently being the "Hero" of my district, it came down to them no longer wanting me as a part of their organization. Sure, I may have had a bad attitude sometimes, and been expressive about flaws in the company (only to make it stronger), but I continued to kill myself day-in, day-out, trying to improve and simplify processes, looking out for the best interest of my staff, and trying to grow our business, even when I wasn't sure how. I never intended to re-invent the wheel, but I was aware that it was loose, or maybe even broken at times, and really tried to find ways to fix it. In the end, it really didn't matter, because I was just another disposable employee, to a company who doesn't need "heroes" in their arsenal after all.

So, I'm now looking for other employment, with hopes of staying in the entertainment industry. At the turn of the new year, Heather said that 2011 was sure to bring change, as she moved to Coffeyville to pursue an HR generalist position. I knew my time in Hutchinson was long overdue, but I didn't have the cahones to move on. I can easily throw out the shoulda, woulda, coulda's, but a change is sure to come in the next couple months. Sure, I'll leave some great people and memories behind, but I hope to have left a legacy, or at least my stamp. Good or bad, people will remember me, the stories I told, the expectations I had, and the asshole boss I was, but also the caring friend I could be.

My buddy, Terrence recently said, "So life has moved you beyond the big green machine. The change will be fantastic for you."

I just really hope I don't make the same bad choices as I have in the past, and I can once again feel like an integral part of an organization who values my employment, and my opinion, so we can grow together. Cheesy, I know, but true. So, maybe 2011 will be the best thing since...