The Cavi rolled over 100K in Oklahoma and the TFW recap

Last weekend was a pretty good trip, and the ole Cavi hit a milestone while crossing Oklahoma on the way home. Lukas and I watched as she rolled over 100K, and like a true champ, kept puttin along as if nothing happened. I've had her since August 1998 and she's been pretty good to me, so cheers to my cayenne pepper red Cavalier, may you continue to service me with pride.

Okay, so you really want to hear about the horror convention, so here it goes in all it's dry glory.

I didn't take any pictures at the convention, because 1) I'm not a picture takin kind of guy, and 2) I was simply too lazy, and just decided to enjoy the experience. Quite a few big names were there such as George Romero, Tom Savini, Adriene Barbeau, Pinhead, Lloyd Kaufman, Clint Howard, and Jeffery Combs. The best panels by far were with Clint Howard (Ron Howard's brother) and the utterly animated Lloyd Kaufman (president of Troma films). These guys are straight entertainers and very down to earth. Lukas told me later that he and Lloyd pissed next to each other. That'll be one to tell his kids, "Hey, I once pissed next to the creator of the Toxic Avenger..." and they say, "Who? Let's go watch Nickelodeon." This is Lloyd.

Tom Savini, who I appreciate for his special FX skills, seems like a big asshole. TFW was honoring him with a lifetime achievement award and as an intro, played a 10-15 minute DVD compilation of his work, but someone got the wrong disc and Tom made it clear from the jump that it wasn't the right and they needed to "turn it off now!" Tom just has a visual arrogance about him, and definitely proved it in that instance. I don't know who the girl is, might very well be one of Tom's creations, but can't you see the "I'm an asshole" look too?

All the celebs were charging for their autographs ($10-20), or you could purchase pics from their movies and they'd sign it. Really, the only person signing for free was Lloyd Kaufman, but that was if you brought your own merchandise, otherwise it was 10 bucks. Needless to say, I didn't get any because it's figgin ridiculous to pay for them. Lukas did forge Romero's on the back of my program, just so I wouldn't leave empty-handed. Thanks, bro!

The biggest disappointment, although she's a great actress, was Angela Bettis. During the Femme Fatale panel, she couldn't answer a single question intellectually. What a joke! And, the lead actress from Cabin Fever, Cerina Vincent, truly seems high maintenance and ditsy. The most intellectual discussion was with Doug Bradley, the actor that plays Pinhead.

He's a pro at interviewing and carried himself well. I wonder if the fact that he's a Brit has anything to do with it?

Anyway, there were fans who got into character for the convention, like zombie Wolverine and Spiderman, a ghostbuster, and a few others who attempted to make it Halloween in June. I just wore my Cannibal Holocaust t-shirt with pride and knew that several of the younger crowd who attended had no clue what it was. Sad, straight sad. On Day 2, I paid homage to My Bloody Valentine. I hear a remake is in the works, hope they don't f-it up!

Surprisingly, I only dropped about $50 on merchandise. Most of the stuff they had was either way too expensive, bootlegs, or memorabilia that I simply have no room for, already own, or can get cheaper at my store. I thought there might be more freebies, maybe even a screener or two, but only posters, buttons, and crap I could care less about. Give me the movies!

The highlight of the convention was talking to Bill Zebub. Not that his movies are good (Rape is a Circle, Jesus Christ Serial Rapist, Crucified, Ass Monster, etc), but he's willing to say fu** it, and just film what he wants. Funny, I bought a couple of DVDs he was liquidating from Xploited Cinema, which he says was used for "exploitation research." But, I had to go back because one disc was missing (out of a 2-disc set), so he gave me a $5 refund. This dude is cool, but sadly, most of his movies aren't.

In a nutshell, we did a lot of sitting and listening, and in between, I swung back by vendor tables to see if I had missed anything or something new had been added. Oh yea, a couple of the Suicide Girls were there too peddling their new DVD and book.

We also saw a couple of movies from local talent, Domain of the Damned and Texas Road Kill. Domain will be a definite gorehound fave, since there's a lot of killing and blood, but no character development. Road Kill, on the other hand, is straight laughable and the audio was horrible, thus living up to it's name. So, that was pretty much the weekend, and now I'm no longer a horror convention virgin. I'd like to make it to a bigger one maybe later this year or next.

Speaking again of Tom Savini, I just saw a horrible movie called the Absence of Light with him, Tony Todd (Candyman), David Hess (House on the Edge of the Park, Last House on the Left), and Michael Berryman (Hills Have Eyes 1&2). I understand you gotta make your cheddah, but why put yourself in a position of such ridicule? Such a disappointment to see these once horror greats continuing to whore themselves on the C or D movie market. I guess David Hess has been chosen to be in the Driller Killer remake if it ever happens.

So, if you come across some obscure horror movie you think I've missed, drop me a line and send it quick! :) It was announced that a sequel to Nailgun Massacre is in the planning stages, bring back the cheese!

Boxes and tape and cleaning, oh my!

Okay, so the week's winding down and I'm preparing to head to Dallas for the Texas Frightmare Weekend (for those who've been in the dark). But, upon my return, I have less than one week to pack up a very full 6 year household and move it some 40-50 steps upstairs into a 2 bedroom apartment.

A long overdue move, which I passed up almost exactly a year ago. But, this should allow me to entertain more guests (and walk freely) instead of my "entertainment" entertaining us, which currently wins everytime. Problem is, I haven't boxed up a single thing, and am expected to have a professional carpet cleaning done by checkout time Friday. How in the hell can I have the carpets cleaned when all my shit's in the way? Boxed or not, there's way too much stuff to move off the carpet, and the person moving out of my new dwelling won't be checking out until Friday as well. So, I guess I'll have to bend over for "The Man," and pay a little more rent on my current apartment just to have a comfortable move. Chances are, I may have to pay the entire month's worth, which in that case, I may not be moving.

But, I am gonna get bids on a carpet cleaning, but if that outweighs the deposit I originally put down, I'll just have to break out my $40 Hoover and clean this badboy myself. I already thought about renting a Rug Doctor, but that won't even suffice this stickler of a landlord. Anyway, here's to moving, it friggin sucks, even before you start!!

Movie Reviews: Snakewoman, One-Third, ID

I watch a lot of movies, probably 5-10 a week. Most are horror related, others outta mere curiosity. Usually the odder or gorier the better, but sometimes I even have to raise my brow. I also have a friend, Paul, who I started talking to after selling him one of my DVDs. My point is, we review movies for each other and I've realized while doing this, that some of my best insight comes. So, here's the latest for this week, some old, some new, and I'll try to review some every week in hopes that maybe someone will stumble upon it and consider me an "expert" or at least to aid in their viewing.

Paul and I have went back and forth on the failures and triumphs of Jess Franco, and I watched one today that if Jess didn't have a backlog of decent ones, I'd turn my back on him forever. It was called Snakewoman. Shot on DV and typical Jess with a loose storyline, plenty of nudity, and dialog that a gradeschooler could have written. Plus, I'm all for au natural, but when I can see a chick's ass hair, without it being a blatant bunghole shot, I'm turned off. Don't get me wrong, she had a nice body and there were several shadowed full frontals, but that couldn't make up for the other. Someone should've suggested Nair before shooting. Another crapper from Franco.

One-Third-it left me hanging like, "Oh, this could have been much more..." One quick breast shot and the rest pretty much a drama-driven silent film. There were maybe 20 lines of dialog and the lead actress looked kind of like Kiera Knightley. Then there was the Buddhist artist....next!

ID-Tokyo Shock's latest, which I fell asleep to. I may have to wash my hands with Japanese cinema for a while, otherwise I'm convinced they have no creativity left. This wasn't really a horror movie and there weren't any long-haired apparitions, but set at a pig slaughterhouse with ridiculous acting and an overgrown retard played out to a nine year old. Dumb!

Zombie Blood Bath 1-this is a promo I got (thanks, Kathy) which has all 3 movies on it, but I could only stomach the first one, at least for today. This movie hails from Kansas City, MO and is one of Camp Pictures 80's flashbacks, so you know what you're getting into before viewing. But, every lame zombie movie you've ever seen is encompassed in this film with once again, the undead as the victor. Thus, we get ZBB 2&3 which will have to wait a few days.

I just can't seem to watch anything worth a shit lately. Maybe I'll find something worth while at the horror convention next weekend. If time allows, Knocked-Up is on the plate for this weekend and everyone I spoke to loved it. Too bad the UK's Fido is only a limited release, because it looks to be the next underground classic along with Black Sheep which is coming soon from New Zealand. Everyone have a great weekend and make it a point to hug your father, if possible, if not, hug someone else's.

Texas Frightmare Weekend

I'm gearing up for my first horror convention, the Texas Frightmare Weekend. Two days of gorehounds, sickos, and freaks looking for the next notable kill/killer. I've been saving my pennies, and hope to bring home an assload of goodies and plenty of stories to tell. It'll be nice to get away from the life-sucker (work) and surround myself with others who appreciate bloodshed as much as I. Wish me luck, and pray I make it back alive.

P.S. I'm not staying in a Slovakian hostel, so I should be okay, but you never can tell about those crazy Texans. Leatherface, chainsaw, need I say more?

Yeah, that is George A. Romero (Night of the Living Dead) who will be attending, and honored at the convention, so put your Haterade away!