Movie Reviews: Snakewoman, One-Third, ID

I watch a lot of movies, probably 5-10 a week. Most are horror related, others outta mere curiosity. Usually the odder or gorier the better, but sometimes I even have to raise my brow. I also have a friend, Paul, who I started talking to after selling him one of my DVDs. My point is, we review movies for each other and I've realized while doing this, that some of my best insight comes. So, here's the latest for this week, some old, some new, and I'll try to review some every week in hopes that maybe someone will stumble upon it and consider me an "expert" or at least to aid in their viewing.

Paul and I have went back and forth on the failures and triumphs of Jess Franco, and I watched one today that if Jess didn't have a backlog of decent ones, I'd turn my back on him forever. It was called Snakewoman. Shot on DV and typical Jess with a loose storyline, plenty of nudity, and dialog that a gradeschooler could have written. Plus, I'm all for au natural, but when I can see a chick's ass hair, without it being a blatant bunghole shot, I'm turned off. Don't get me wrong, she had a nice body and there were several shadowed full frontals, but that couldn't make up for the other. Someone should've suggested Nair before shooting. Another crapper from Franco.

One-Third-it left me hanging like, "Oh, this could have been much more..." One quick breast shot and the rest pretty much a drama-driven silent film. There were maybe 20 lines of dialog and the lead actress looked kind of like Kiera Knightley. Then there was the Buddhist artist....next!

ID-Tokyo Shock's latest, which I fell asleep to. I may have to wash my hands with Japanese cinema for a while, otherwise I'm convinced they have no creativity left. This wasn't really a horror movie and there weren't any long-haired apparitions, but set at a pig slaughterhouse with ridiculous acting and an overgrown retard played out to a nine year old. Dumb!

Zombie Blood Bath 1-this is a promo I got (thanks, Kathy) which has all 3 movies on it, but I could only stomach the first one, at least for today. This movie hails from Kansas City, MO and is one of Camp Pictures 80's flashbacks, so you know what you're getting into before viewing. But, every lame zombie movie you've ever seen is encompassed in this film with once again, the undead as the victor. Thus, we get ZBB 2&3 which will have to wait a few days.

I just can't seem to watch anything worth a shit lately. Maybe I'll find something worth while at the horror convention next weekend. If time allows, Knocked-Up is on the plate for this weekend and everyone I spoke to loved it. Too bad the UK's Fido is only a limited release, because it looks to be the next underground classic along with Black Sheep which is coming soon from New Zealand. Everyone have a great weekend and make it a point to hug your father, if possible, if not, hug someone else's.