The crushed dreams of Kris Fleetwood
Yes, this is a self-pity blog entry, so if you don't like it, piss off while I wallow in it.
I've come to the realization that I must really suck. First, I work my ass off and kill myself for a company that could give two shits less if I stay or go, and, to add insult to injury, corporate politics came into play to shut me out of a buyer position that would have furthered my career. Now, I'm not saying I had a flawless interview, but to keep me on for so long and continuing to claim that I'm "still under strong consideratin for the position," and then drop me like a bag of stinky poo deserves some explanation. Anyway, this position would have allowed me to gain more knowledge of the video industry and it's inner workings, thus allowing me to network and gain more contacts in order to further my career, not to mention the work experience I would have gained. Is "The Man" just trying to keep me down so I can't be used against him in the future?
Sidenote: Look into possibly writing a book or screenplay entitled, The Conspiracy Against Kris Fleetwood.
But, that's not all that makes me suck. As you may have read, Xploited Cinema recently decided to call it quits. Well, I consider the owner a friend (even though the feeling may not be mutual), not one I hang out with, but one I've looked to for product knowledge, and hold in high esteem for mastering his business, which I love, and could be their #1 supporter!! Anyway, since my interests lie more in video and obscure cinema, than any other entertainment media, I thought I'd put in an inquiry on buying his business, since I hate to see it's demise, and know I could run it well. Not that I have the capital to buy it right now, or have even seriously looked into getting a loan, but it's something that fits my personality, would allow me to be my own boss, and bring great product to others worldwide. But, to make a long and disappointing story short, that's not something he's interested in doing, and he shut down my idea of visiting him in order to take some pointers and determine if that's something I'd want to get into. Remember, he's the Jedi Master of bringing world cinema to us commoners, so I thought I'd learn from the best. But, once again, it's not about what I want, so it's You suck Mr. Fleetwood.
WOW, that's two big blows in less than a month, how do I recover from that? I feel like I frequently get kicked in the nuts, and just when a glimpse of hope comes along and there might be a way out, I get denied once again. But, I understand that companies and businessmen have to do what's right and best for them, and even though I feel like I get the short end of the stick, I have to press on, but my head hangs a little lower.
So, I not only continue to suck in my business life, but also in my personal life and relationships. I seems that I can't be anywhere on time (other than work), I put the place I dread the most (other than hell) first, and I can't seem to keep anyone happy. Trust me, I do try, but it just doesn't seem to be enough, and the more I get haggled for the things I don't do, the more I shut down. I'm sure a lot of the unhappiness I bring effects others, but I have yet to find a way out. It's like this infinite abyss of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, anger, and something I call Zero Motivation, which is pretty self-explanatory. Laughter and enjoyment seem to be very brief moments in this existence. I was once told by an ex-girlfriend that she felt helpless because she didn't think there was anything she could do to help me with my unhappiness. I know this isn't how life is supposed to be, but I've fallen and I can't get up.
So, as I continue to find a way out of this purgatorial mind-set, I need everyone, esp. Heather, friends, and family to bear with me. There will be a happier day with bright sunshines, cool breezes, rainbows, and fluffy bunnies, but until then, I may continue to suck, and hope you'll still be there when I no longer do, or to be more realistic, suck less.
I sure do like fluffy bunnies...
I've come to the realization that I must really suck. First, I work my ass off and kill myself for a company that could give two shits less if I stay or go, and, to add insult to injury, corporate politics came into play to shut me out of a buyer position that would have furthered my career. Now, I'm not saying I had a flawless interview, but to keep me on for so long and continuing to claim that I'm "still under strong consideratin for the position," and then drop me like a bag of stinky poo deserves some explanation. Anyway, this position would have allowed me to gain more knowledge of the video industry and it's inner workings, thus allowing me to network and gain more contacts in order to further my career, not to mention the work experience I would have gained. Is "The Man" just trying to keep me down so I can't be used against him in the future?
Sidenote: Look into possibly writing a book or screenplay entitled, The Conspiracy Against Kris Fleetwood.
But, that's not all that makes me suck. As you may have read, Xploited Cinema recently decided to call it quits. Well, I consider the owner a friend (even though the feeling may not be mutual), not one I hang out with, but one I've looked to for product knowledge, and hold in high esteem for mastering his business, which I love, and could be their #1 supporter!! Anyway, since my interests lie more in video and obscure cinema, than any other entertainment media, I thought I'd put in an inquiry on buying his business, since I hate to see it's demise, and know I could run it well. Not that I have the capital to buy it right now, or have even seriously looked into getting a loan, but it's something that fits my personality, would allow me to be my own boss, and bring great product to others worldwide. But, to make a long and disappointing story short, that's not something he's interested in doing, and he shut down my idea of visiting him in order to take some pointers and determine if that's something I'd want to get into. Remember, he's the Jedi Master of bringing world cinema to us commoners, so I thought I'd learn from the best. But, once again, it's not about what I want, so it's You suck Mr. Fleetwood.
WOW, that's two big blows in less than a month, how do I recover from that? I feel like I frequently get kicked in the nuts, and just when a glimpse of hope comes along and there might be a way out, I get denied once again. But, I understand that companies and businessmen have to do what's right and best for them, and even though I feel like I get the short end of the stick, I have to press on, but my head hangs a little lower.
So, I not only continue to suck in my business life, but also in my personal life and relationships. I seems that I can't be anywhere on time (other than work), I put the place I dread the most (other than hell) first, and I can't seem to keep anyone happy. Trust me, I do try, but it just doesn't seem to be enough, and the more I get haggled for the things I don't do, the more I shut down. I'm sure a lot of the unhappiness I bring effects others, but I have yet to find a way out. It's like this infinite abyss of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, anger, and something I call Zero Motivation, which is pretty self-explanatory. Laughter and enjoyment seem to be very brief moments in this existence. I was once told by an ex-girlfriend that she felt helpless because she didn't think there was anything she could do to help me with my unhappiness. I know this isn't how life is supposed to be, but I've fallen and I can't get up.
So, as I continue to find a way out of this purgatorial mind-set, I need everyone, esp. Heather, friends, and family to bear with me. There will be a happier day with bright sunshines, cool breezes, rainbows, and fluffy bunnies, but until then, I may continue to suck, and hope you'll still be there when I no longer do, or to be more realistic, suck less.
I sure do like fluffy bunnies...
posted by K-Fleet at 11:34 PM
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