Smoked Out: My smoke-filled lungs and the death of a scone

Sometimes I’m a real dumb ass and get myself into the oddest situations. So, I’m working late to get the following week’s schedule done, but the computer locks up and I have to wait about 10-15 minutes for it to reboot. In the mood for a midnight snack, I remember I have a chocolate chip scone in the freezer from a few weeks back. So, I walk over to our coffee shop, put it on a styrofoam plate, and pop in the microwave for one minute. I open the door and it’s still hard, and kind of smells funny, but I thought maybe it was due to freezer burn, so I leave it in for another minute. I open the door again, and a cloud of smoke rolls out. So, immediately I shut the door, and try to blow and wave the smoke down in fear that it might set off a sensor and trigger our sprinkler system. I open the door again to see the damage, and more smoke rolls out, with no end in sight. So, I shut it, wave down the smoke, and contemplate my next move. I gotta get the smoke to stop, so I open it a third time, retrieve my demolished meal, which is charred and falling through a hole melted in the plate, and throw it in the sink. I then turn on the water to cool it off, and it pops and crackles under the stream. I get it to a handleable point, wrap it in a paper towel, and throw it in our outside dumpster. (Getting rid of the evidence, ya know. : ) ) The whole time I’m thinking, Boy, how stupid am I, and where did I go wrong? A frozen microwave meal or hot pocket takes like 2-3 minutes to cook, so why’d this go so bad?

So, now starts the clean-up process. I open up the drive-thru window, prop it open with a step stool, and hope the cold night air will help my situation. I then take the glass tray out of the microwave and wash it down. The place reeks of smoke, so I grab a canister of Lysol spray and douse the entire department, including the immediate area outside of it, the entry into the book dept. I then return to the office to finish my task.

After the schedule is complete, I write a note to the opening managers, which will be there in less than 5 hours, letting them know what happened, so they wouldn’t be alarmed if the burning smell still lingers. I tape the note to the entrance door, and take one more jaunt to the Café to ensure everything’s okay before I leave for the night. I spray the area again with Lysol, as my first attempt wasn’t a total success. I then open the microwave, and although no smoke is present, the stench still remains. So, I grab a rag and some dishwashing liquid and give it a good wipe down. So, my job seems complete, all but the embarrassment and ridicule I may get the next day. Damn scones!

So, it’s back to the office where I arm the store and head out the door. A nice breath of fresh air is what I needed, although my sniffer is fully dominated by the burnt styro/scone smell. I drive home, contemplate a shower, change into my jammies, blow my nose, give my hands and forearms a thorough washing, and go to bed.

I wake up late the next morning and my hands are still funk-induced. I hope a shower will make it go away, but if not, a good bleaching should do the trick.

So, stay tuned for more exciting and laughter-filled adventures (at my expense) of K-Fleet.